I hate giving speeches. Standing on stage before a few hundred people doesn’t fill me with happiness. I loath public speaking, much like the way a grammar Nazi hates the misuse of your and you’re.

As Director of Foreign Teachers (grand title) of the 14-day camp, it fell to me to say a few words during the closing ceremony. I prefer to work behind the scenes, unseen. One of my friends nicknamed me The Shadow, which I like a great deal, because of the classic radio program, not the bad Alex Baldwin film. I like being a shadow, but sometimes you have to step into the light.

I emceed my last event in 1994, a social gathering for a large Chamber of Commerce. I worked the large hotel exhibition hall like a swaggering pro. Behind the microphone I welcomed the guests, announced the speakers, and managed the carry everything off with demure aplomb.

Until I thanked the hotel.

”I’d like to thank the Radisson Hotel for hosting this great event,” I said with a broad smile.

There was an audible murmur across the room.

“See you all next month,” I said, and left the stage.

A colleague approached.

“Steve,” he said, embarrassed for me, “We’re at the Renaissance Hotel, not the Radisson.”

Explicative deleted.

A public speaking coach at the event told me to get back up on stage and admit my mistake, make a joke of it he told me.

I did. And never hosted another event.

Below, my deathless speech. It lost something translated into Chinese. As I left the stage the middle school boy ready to give the next speech said, “Very good,” and looked impressed.

I like praise. That said, I don’t want to speak again any time soon.

Parents, Respected guests, teachers, and students, welcome to the 2007 Summer Camp closing ceremonies.

Students: Summer camp has come to an end. For the last two weeks we have shared part of ourselves with our teachers, friends and classmates. We have traveled through life, and talked about our families, our friends, our dreams, ambitions, and our goals. We have learned important lessons about responsibility, diligence, study, sacrifice, good deeds and honor.

Your classes started a company, competed in sports competitions, applied for jobs, and learned about friendship and trust. You were rewarded for your successes and learned to accept disappointment. You learned to work as a team while working as an individual, a valuable lesson.

Most importantly you learned about life. Where you are now, where you want to go, and some of the pitfalls that lay between here and there.

In two weeks we all learned many things. Importantly, we learned we are not all so different, and that communication, in whichever language we speak, is very important. I, and the other international teachers, applaud your efforts over the past 14 days.

Parents: Be proud of your children and this camp adventure they undertook. In the last two weeks they worked very hard to complete assignments and tasks.

On behalf of the international teachers I thank you; Parents, students, and the school, for the opportunity to be part of this camp. It was as enjoyable for the teachers as it was for the students.