This is a little tale about cooking Chinese food.
Mr. and Mrs. Stevo work at the same school, live in the same apartment, but rarely see each other. Lunch is a big deal when they eat it together. A meal eaten together, not in a school cafeteria or restaurant setting, is a rare thing.
Back in those heady newlywed days of 2006, Mr. Stevo often cooked lunch for his lovely bride. This was before Mr. Stevo realized that being a department head required certain sacrifices, cooking a delicious daily lunch for his beloved being one of them.
A few weeks back Mr. Stevo decided to cook a delightful Sunday midday meal for his beautiful, yet snarky and occasionally demanding, wife. (No that’s not insulting, simply the truth. There’s nothing wrong with snark. Some of you reading this will whole-heartedly agree.)
At the market Mr. Stevo bought two kinds of mushrooms (he still doesn’t know what kind, exactly), pork, a fish, and Chinese cabbage. While his wife slaved away, tutoring students on a Sunday morning, he sliced ginger and garlic chives, chopped pork, tore cabbage, and washed the delicate fungi. Prep work is the most important part of cooking Chinese food.
Back when he cooked regularly, Mr. Stevo attacked his lack of knowledge of Chinese cuisine as he attacks most things, with a near-religious zeal (yet, he has no zeal for religion. Strange, no?). He had translated Chinese cookbooks, purchased with gift cards from a shithole lackluster social networking site (despite gifts, some social networking sites do in fact suck), shipped from Canada. He scoured the internet, unraveling the mysteries of Chinese ingredients. He experimented and suffered the disappointment of his love’s fake smiles. He tried and tried again until Mrs. Stevo pronounced an original creation “Chinese food.” There is a learning curve involved in cooking Chinese food.
Mr. Stevo got busy with the prep work. Washing, chopping, and slicing, require two things: Beer and Barry Manilow. While Mr. Manilow called for Mandy, Mr. Stevo sliced pork, red peppers and garlic chives.
Beef would have been better with the mushrooms, but there’s nothing wrong with a steaming hot plate of xiang gu chao zhu rou (fried pork and mushrooms). Given that pork is a staple food in China, and Mrs. Stevo’s response to “What do you want for dinner?” is almost always “Pork!” he felt confident in his decision.
Mr. Stevo knows nothing about fish, other than they are edible and they swim when alive. The fishmonger prepped the fish and the intrepid cook went about preparing his famous spicy braised variety. First, the fish must be fried. While Mr. Stevo would rather eat a healthier steamed fish, Mrs. Stevo says the texture of fried fish is much nicer. Deferring to her wishes, Mr. Stevo let the fish swim once again.
After frying some garlic chives, ginger, and hot bean paste, Mr. Fish was added (with some chicken stock) to braise away. No, it’s not pretty. Sometimes food isn’t.
When Mr. Fish was overcooked the Chinese cabbage met the wok. Mr. Stevo is stymied by the cooking of Chinese vegetables, as are many of his Chinese friends. Luckily, Mrs. Stevo likes her vegetables on the uncrisp side. After a dash of oyster sauce and some salt, the veg was fit for the table
Next came the pork and mushrooms (and medium-spicy red peppers). Mr. Stevo stir-fried like a man possessed. He served all three dishes to his waiting wife, who was engrossed in a historical drama playing on television.
The rice was a problem. Every brand requires a different amount of water. Buying the same rice each time would be helpful. The first bowl of rice wasn’t crunchy exactly, just not soft and fluffy. Some more water and an extra seven minutes in the rice cooker solved the problem.
What was the result?
It was edible delicious. Mrs. Stevo was happy, as was Mr. Stevo.
The End of a tale about cooking Chinese food.
When I stop laughing, I will be back to comment! Oh dear! You are a brave man for doing all that.
madamedonnas last blog post..Pretty In Pink
That actually looks kinda yummy. I’ll bet Mr. Rizzuto can I.D. the mushrooms.
Wanda Rizzutos last blog post..Protected: Pictures, Pictures, Pictures
I’d totally eat that!
And tell your wife I want that shirt she has on.
Jackies last blog post..Grits Can’t Get No Love
Wanda: That would be helpful.
Jax: You want to look like an 1800s schoolmarm?
I could turn that shirt into Dirty Librarian in no time.
Jackies last blog post..Grits Can’t Get No Love
I definitely see some Shitake mushrooms in the mix there.
madamedonnas last blog post..Pretty In Pink
Holy guacamole, stevo. You are a god.
ybonesys last blog post..Shine The Light On Taos (Solar Music Festival)
Barry Manilow? Really? Barry Manilow . . . OK
That meal looks awfully exotic to be inspired by Barry Manilow (who in my mind tends to inspire baloney and mayo sandwhiches on white bread). But, hey, with the exception of the fish (I prefer my food not to look at me while I’m eating it), the meal looks yummy.
LazyBuddhists last blog post..End times
Jax: You’re making me hot. Perhaps you could explain that to Mrs. Stevo.
Donna: Can you name the little un-mushroom-like egg-shaped ones?
ybones: Merci.
LB: Barry Manilow inspires all of us differently, that’s part of his power.
Tell her it’s the red peppers.
Jackies last blog post..Grits Can’t Get No Love
10 out of 10 for the effort, the presentation and (I’m sure) the taste 🙂
Now, if you could just bag some up and send it over here, that would be great…
truces last blog post..Introvert or Extrovert? Or Omnivert? Is that even a word?
Jax: They don’t equate.
Truce: If I could keep it from spoiling I would. 🙂
Pork! Mrs Stevo’s one of US! 🙂
the little fluffy cats last blog post..Conundrum
I thought your species liked fish, LFC?
Two things I should never do…
…Go anywhere near the flower department, anywhere.
…Read Stevo’s blog when he’s cooking for his wife.
Both make me want to go kick Mr. W.
Seriously it looks wonderful.
Shawn Ws last blog post..Will Viagra Be Banned By Professional Sports?
Steve, if it’s shaped like an egg and in China, I can guess it might be a cloud ear mushroom or an immature straw mushroom. Can you give me a photo or more details about the texture and gills? Size? There are many types of mushrooms that start out egg shaped and then mature into other shapes—some even called Puffballs that expand to very large proportions.
madamedonnas last blog post..Pretty In Pink
Barry Manilow is one of my favorites but somehow he doesn’t inspire me to prep for cooking like he does you. You must be right. Barry inspires each person differently.
I would eat the food too. It has been about 40 years since anyone cooked for me (at least without me paying them to cook and serve me, then tipping them). So yeah. I would definitely eat it!
Corinas last blog post..Canadian Bacon
Shawn: Thanks!
MD: I’ll try to get to the market early and pick up some of the rascals before they sell out. I’ll email you a pic. I don’t know what they are, but they are my favorite.
Corina: Come on over, I’ll save you a place.
Stevos last blog post..lunch with the stevos
porkporkporkporkpork. . . the grease is really good for your fur. Also hairballs. Fried fish is nice too, though.
the little fluffy cats last blog post..Happy 18th Birthday, Romeo!
Matt knows when the wife is happy the husband is always happen so it is good that Mr. Stevo made a delicious meal Mrs. Stevo enjoyed.
congrats!!
Nomadic Matts last blog post..The American South
The mushrooms look delish! Mrs. Stevo is one lucky woman.
Pandemonics last blog post..A (Hopefully) Short Post on My First Marriage Part I
LFC: I really want Mrs. Stevo to have nice fur…
Matt: True.
Pan: I’m the lucky one, I think.
That looks like a pretty good meal, and I admire your intrepidness with the fish.
Baron: Thanks. I must learn more about fish. They scare me.
Stevos last blog post..an evil weekend
Wow. What a nice husband. That fish did look… sort of… like. I donno. I’ve never seen it prepared in such a way that it still looks like it could rehabilitate in a bathtube if it wanted to.
I love it when you write your daily adventure stories.
amuirins last blog post..It is the summer, after all
amuirin: Merci. If you order fish in a restaurant it is usually covered with herbs or peppers to hide it’s almost aliveness.
I put it all down to good Karma. Your wife’s and yours. I am working on mine in this birth so maybe someone will do as much for me in my next one..hmmff!
Average Janes last blog post..What my daughter wrote
The food looks yummy (even the fish which isn’t particularly pretty, but it does look yummy). Well done, Stevo. You’re a good husband. 🙂
Barry Manilow? The beer I understand. Not sure about Manilow. Perhaps he’s better in the kitchen??
Gotta agree… there’s nothing wrong with a little snark.
Robins last blog post..Morning walk
Awwww, that’s cute 🙂 You’re braver than I! I haven’t the faintest idea on how to cook fish!
Pokins last blog post..Peru: Miss Photogenic Country?
The fish looks great. So does Mrs Stevo. Not sure about Barry Manilow though.
cfimagess last blog post..The Floating Life
Wow. What a wonderful way to spend Sunday afternoon. No wonder this is the most popular post on your site.
BTW I’m blown away by the new look&feel of your site. Its incredible. Haven’t been able to visit for sometime. My apologies.
Ashishs last blog post..Mr and Mrs Ashlin
a man of so many talents you never cease to amaze me