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That’s not entirely true. I cooked Jackie Chan’s pre-made frozen dumplings for lunch. Can a kung-fu star’s foray into pre-prepared cuisine be tasty?

Most North Americans know Jackie Chan for his humorous martial arts films. He’s famous for doing his own stunt work, and paying the price, in broken bones, for the fantastic scenes that make it onto film. But did you know Jackie Chan:

• Is a successful recording artist, having released 20 albums since the 1980s
• Owns a chain of sushi restaurants called Jackie’s Kitchen
• Has his own clothing line
• Don’t forget Jackie Chan’s Signature Club (gym), and his line of nutritional supplements
• And, Jackie Chan’s Anti-Falling Shampoo. That’s the English translation I see in the supermarket. The shampoo is supposed to prevent baldness. I should give it a try before I end up looking like the proverbial cue ball.

Mr. Chan’s is almost as famous as JFK for his philandering ways. He fathered a daughter with his mistress, Miss Asia winner Elaine Ng. The paparazzi has linked Jackie Chan to several other Asian stars. But enough about Jackie Chan’s mistress(es), on to the dumplings.

I was dubious upon seeing Jackie’s smiling visage in the frozen food section of the supermarket. What does a kung fu master know about dumplings? His father, I discovered, was a cook at the French embassy in Hong Kong. Had he passed a secret recipe to his son? Was I in for the dumpling treat of a lifetime?

For those unfamiliar with Chinese dumplings:

The jiaozi 饺子 is a common Chinese dumpling which generally consists of minced meat and chopped vegetables wrapped into a piece of dough. Popular meat fillings include ground pork, ground beef, ground chicken, shrimp, and even fish. Popular mixtures are pork with Chinese cabbage, lamb with spring onion, leeks with eggs, etc. Jiaozi are usually boiled or steamed. Jiaozi is a traditional dish for Chinese New Year’s Eve. Family members gather together to make dumplings.

From: Answers.com

Hungry (and lazy) I decided to try Jackie Chan’s Dumplings. I had purchased the pork and greens version. Luckily, the directions were in English, although it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to cook frozen dumplings. I opted to steam them, watching my waistline and all.

Into the steaming basket of the rice cooker the potential pasta-like treats went.

I waited.

And waited.

I have not had good luck buying frozen dumplings. In the past I’ve bought package after package (there are about a gazillion different types at the supermarket) only to find they taste like something prepared by McDonalds. The kindly family that runs the local hole-in-the-wall dumpling diner makes far better fare, but sometimes you’re too lazy to walk over, or unwilling to use your lackluster Chinese to attempt a home delivery.

After a thorough steaming I plated the half-moon-shaped dumplings. With a little soy sauce and Chinese vinegar in a condiment bowl, I tucked in.

I can’t say, “Meh.”  As far as frozen dumplings go, Jackie Chan’s were not bad. An 8/10. I was surprised. Jackie, despite the list above, doesn’t endorse a lot of products.

Hong Kong Superstar Andy Lau pimps everything. A trip to any section of the supermarket features his distinctive face. I’m waiting for his line of feminine hygiene products to hit the shelves: It’s only a matter of time. Mr. Lau should really wear a feathered-cap, a cape, and walk with a bling-encrusted cane. Dear Andy used little of that money to help the victims of the 2008 Chinese earthquake, but that’s another story.

Jackie Chan’s dumplings are still in my freezer. I’ll eat them when I have no other options (maybe today since there is little in my fridge.)  If his Anti Falling Shampoo works as well as his dumplings taste I may be on my way to a full, luxurious head of hair.