A little mouse crawled innocently up my spine. Or, that’s what it felt like one morning last week. I knew a headache, a major one, was in my future. Three or four times a year I get a headache that makes me wish for very hard drugs.
After the first twinges, the initial steps of that evil mouse, I went back to bed. Most days I go to the office at 9 am but decided to wait until 1 pm, when the rest of the staff arrives. A short nap might kill the mouse. My co-workers and the telephone had other plans. The nap was short lived.
By noon the mouse had started to gnaw on my brainstem. I had no over-the-counter headache remedies. The power was off and I could hear two men hitting the break box at the end of the hall with hammers. I showered in the dark and popped a Midol for the Acetaminophen, which caused problems later when my wife needed the pills for their intended purpose and could not find them.
By two o’clock the mouse had recruited a few friends and they extended their path of destruction, slam-dancing from my neck to temples. I drank coffee, hoping the caffeine might urge the Midol to sedate the mice. No dice.
At 4 pm I looked at the letter opener on my desk and wondered if it was sharp enough to remove my head from my body, and if I was strong enough to accomplish such a task in a single blow.
I took drastic action at 5 pm and asked a co-worker for assistance. Carrie’s mother is a Chinese doctor, of sorts. I don’t know what this means, as my wife refers to the pharmacist as a doctor. The mother, Ayi (Aunt in Chinese, the common form of address for an older woman) had cured a stubborn kink in my neck a few months before with a vigorous massage.
I’m not into sadomasochism, but I reveled in the heavy-handed beating she gave my neck and scalp. The mice were afraid of those powerful hands and retreated. After 50 minutes of benevolent torture they chewed meekly on my temples. I decided they could snack, it was only fair; they were hungry after dancing most of the day.
Back in the office I made sure none of my charges, students or teachers, had caused any great problems in my absence. I greeted my former Grade 1 class and walked with them, hand-in-hand, to their room. Unconditional love can remove pain, and stun mice, for a short time.
Sporting a bruised neck, thanks to Ayi, I packed up my laptop and called it a day, 30 minutes before the day was officially over. At home I watched Alton Brown before falling asleep without dreams. The mice went away during my nocturnal respite, scared of another beating from Ayi.