Bushmills Irish Whiskey is a rare commodity in China. Rare, like the Giant Panda. So rare, I have seen none of the precious liquid from the Emerald Isle in four years. Not even the Irish Pub has it. Conspiracy? I think so.

I decided to buy a bottle while on my winter sojourn, and enjoy a taste of Ireland back in Chateau Stevo – in The Middle Kingdom. If you’re ever traveling from London to Hong Kong, via Doha, you will find my “How To” quite helpful. Others may laugh at the constant misfortune I seem to encounter.

1. Save enough of your British Pounds (provided by your wife) to purchase Bushmills at one of Heathrow Airport’s fine duty-free purveyors.
2. Find a great deal – two bottles for ten pounds. Take the bottles to the cashier.
3. Be understanding when you are told you cannot buy the delightful amber liquid as your flight has a stop-over. You will need to purchase the liquor at the stop-over airport.
4. At Doha (Qatar) Airport charge from the plane, through security, and to the duty-free store with complete disregard for your personal safety. Jump the queue whenever possible. Use your elbows and carry-on baggage as improvised weapons.
5. Find the Bushmill Irish Whisky priced at 10 pounds per bottle, and weep at the deal you lost out on in London. Wait in a long line and receive American dollars, Qatari Rials, and British Pounds as change.
6. Board your flight. Nestle into your seat, the Bushmills held to your chest. Be vigilant. Protect it. Don’t sleep. There is no Bushmills where you’re headed.
7. On the ground at Hong Kong Airport, buy a ferry ticket from a surly clerk . Queue at the security checkpoint. Take off your belt and hold up your pants while being searched. Empty, then refill your pockets of the considerable travel-related crap you’re carrying before being told you need the Ferry Clerk to accompany you through security, because of the Bushmills.
8. Return to the Ferry Desk. Try to smile at the surly clerk. Ask her to accompany you to the checkpoint. Ignore the sour face she makes.
9. Prepare, again to empty your pockets. Thank the cosmos when the kindly guard who searched you only three minutes before, turns off the security wand and ushers you through.
10. Wait 90 minutes for your ferry. On the mainland, drink a few draft beers. Hide the Bushmills from yourself. Save it for a special occasion: Any Saturday.